Bitter Irish Rant ;)

Well tomorrow’s St. Patrick’s day and for us Irish it’s a bit of a mixed emotion. It’s a great party that ends up being the “Joes VS. Pros” of drinking. Now, while having hordes of amateur drinkers clad in green Dr. Seuss hats and oversized shamrock sunglasses trying to kiss me simply for my nationality is slightly annoying, the term “Luck of the Irish” bugs me even more. Really? You really want the luck of the Irish? Let’s think about that for a moment. What’s so damn lucky about being enslaved, starved, forced from home and treated like dirt everywhere you land? Lucky isn’t exactly the first adjective that pops to mind. In fact, that phrase was originally used to explain away the accomplishments of successful, business savvy “paddies”. They couldn’t have done it by their hard work or whit, it must have been luck.


Freud said, “The Irish as a race are impervious to psycho analysis.” While it’s true we’re that messed up (though not nearly as messed up as Freud), we are also that grounded in reality. We know there’s nothing to analyze, life sucks. Why do you think we drink so much? So while it may defy logic, the truth is; the balance cold reality with warm drunken blarney just works.

So what did we do as a race to deserve this treatment? Well, we single handedly kept western civilization from doing a complete hard reset and total loss of data. If it weren’t for the Irish “warrior monks” of the middle ages, there would be no monasteries all over Europe, no beer, no good wine and no classical literature of any kind. You would never have heard of Aristotle, Plato or Socrates. You’re welcome.

When Christianity came to Ireland they found the last bastion the wild Celtic civilization that once ruled all of northern Europe from Ireland to Turkey. (Here’s a Snapple fun fact - Paul’s letter to the Galatians is to a group of Turkish Celts who most likely joined up because the whole wine on Sundays beat the crap out of no pork and a veils for the women.) Ireland is the only place that was not Romanized by Christianity. The church didn’t know what to do with things like naked coed horse races on the beach, female chieftains as well as male or a people that could fight as well as they farmed. When you’re used to being attacked by Vikings on a regular basis, the church showing up was more like really entertaining Jehovah’s witnesses.

So who are the Irish today? We Irish prize strong drink and stronger women, working hard and playing harder and most of all; we’re just a bunch of sentimental psychopaths. So before you decide to become Irish for a day, remember to be careful what you wish for.